Tuesday nights are dedicated to one thing: the biggest loser. Jeff and i are avid fans, having watched every season since the first. It is considered acceptable to allow some shows to sit on the dvr until the time comes that we have a free moment to catch up. The b.l., however, does not fall into this category. It is always, and i do mean always, watched day of.
I'll admit that I'm hating on Tracy this season. So much so that i wouldn't mind seeing her gain a hundred pounds or so. Uh, did i say that? Yep. I guess i did.
But the disdain that i feel for her is over come by the absolute love i have for Abby. Not because of her story, but because she inspires me to "choose differently". Not that I've chosen differently, but she inspires me to consider it :-).
Abby shared her story tonight.
2.5 years ago, Abby lost her husband, 5 year old daughter and baby son (only a few months old) in a car accident. In a car that she should have been in. But she wasn't. And for 2.5 years she has been left to live, or at least exist, in this world without them. As i type, tears pour down my face at the mere thought of losing Jeff and Rhyan. My heart aches, literally ACHES at the idea. But to be left to live through this... i don't see how!
But then again, i do. "If __________, then _____". This is a lesson in the Beth Moore bible study of Esther that i am currently doing. Beth encouraged us to each consider that which we fear the most. Anything in the world that may keep us from sleeping at night because we may fear it so much. For some it may be the thought of her husband cheating on her. Her child being abused. Going bankrupt... whatever. She asked us to fill in the blank, mentally. To really think about that fear and what if... what if it really did happen. Then what. Would we die. Just die? Would we kill someone? Would we fall apart?
Or would we trust that God... the ANCIENT OF DAYS who created this world and every living thing in it... had it all under control. That He was still God.
Would we? Would I? Because as i sit and entertain the thought of losing my incredible husband who i adore, my daughter who is everything to me, i just don't know. Which leads me to one conclusion: my mind has limited God. And until I move from this place, my trust will be no greater than the box that I have put Him in.
But take comfort in this: God is NOT in a box! And my idea of Him pales in comparison of who He really is. God Word is TRUE... not my "feelings". And not yours, either! Praise GOD!
So while we may fear that He does not have life in control, take heed of His word and rest in it:
"But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
Isaiah 43
What might you not be trusting him with today?
